Supporting individuals with anxiety: Effective strategies and communication tips

When someone you love is experiencing anxiety symptoms, it can be difficult to know the right things to say or do. Explore strategies and techniques for providing comfort and assistance to people with anxiety.

What should I say to someone experiencing anxiety?

When supporting someone with anxiety, it’s important to choose your words carefully. You want to acknowledge their anxiety and the distress they are feeling. Ask them what they need at this moment. You want to respect their boundaries. Stay with the person if that is their preference and reassure them that they are not alone.

Some suggested phrases you can use:

• I can see how disturbing this is for you and how you are suffering.
• How can I be helpful?
• When you’ve experienced anxiety in the past, what has been helpful?
• You are not alone.
• I will be here with you.

Assisting someone who is experiencing anxiety over the phone

You can use all the strategies mentioned previously. The most important thing to remember is to be aware of your voice tone and cadence. Adopt a slow and calm tone so the person can mirror your sense of calm.

What language and phrases should I avoid using?

Some common phrases and expressions can cause the person to feel more anxious or judged. You want to avoid making the person feel invalidated. Avoid using phrases like

• All you need to do is __.
• Calm down.
• It’s all in your head.
• Worrying won’t change anything.
• You just need to let it go.
• You’ll get over it.

Helping without making someone feel uncomfortable or judged

Creating a supportive environment that makes individuals with anxiety feel comfortable and understood is crucial. Here are three steps to follow.

1. Validate their anxiety: Remind them that anxiety is a common experience, and many people can relate to it. Saying, "It's completely normal to experience anxiety from time to time," helps validate their feelings.
2. Observe and describe: Pay attention to their physical and emotional state and let them know you notice. For example, say, "I see you're shaking and hear the anxiety in your voice." This shows your attentiveness and understanding.
3. Thank the person for telling you how they feel: “I am so grateful you told me about your anxiety….” This will help the person feel comfortable in talking further, which is a helpful tool in managing emotions.
4. Adopt 80/20 rule: Listen 80% and talk 20%. You want to avoid taking over the conversation or becoming a problem solver. This technique takes patience. It may take time for the person to identify triggers and develop coping mechanisms. You will need to let them take the time they need. Let them know that you are ready to talk about their experiences when they are.

Recognize the signs of an anxiety attack

Recognizing the signs of an anxiety attack early on and intervening early are keys to minimizing the duration and intensity of the anxiety attack. Common signs of an anxiety attack include:

• Feeling intense anxiety/panic.
• Feeling of pending doom.
• Nausea.
• Shaking.
• Sweating.

You will not be able to stop the anxiety attack, but you can help someone through it. Acknowledge their distress and help them through some grounding techniques. Help them remove their triggers and talk about neutral topics. Offer soothing items like a glass of water, a blanket or a hand to hold. If prayer is meaningful to them, offering a prayer together can be a source of solace and support during difficult times.

Relaxation techniques for anxiety

• Aromatherapy
• Deep breathing exercises – slow inhale & slow exhale
• Mindfulness meditation
• Phone apps (i.e., Calm, Headspace, Insight Timer)
• Progressive muscle relaxation
• Visual imagery (picture a calm scene)
• Yoga

Caring for your mental health in the workplace

Encouraging loved ones to seek professional help

If anxiety persists and significantly affects their functioning and quality of life, professional help may be necessary. Suggest behavioral health therapists or recommend a medication evaluation from a primary care or mental health provider.

Crisis phone lines can also help someone manage an anxiety attack

• Mental Health Crisis: (1-855-581-8111)
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline: (1-800-950-6264)
• Suicide Hotline: (#988)

Remember that we can only control ourselves and our own emotions. Your support can positively influence a person, but you cannot control another’s anxiety.

Maintaining your boundaries

Establishing and maintaining boundaries are crucial for taking care of your own health. Boundaries are set when we define what is okay and what is not okay. Define those limits by checking in with yourself.

To be an effective helper, establish limits about how often you can help and how long you can help. Focus on what you can control and not on what you cannot control.